๐ Coach notes
Your coachโs notes for Leo
๐ Tuesday, July 21, 2026 ยท ๐ค๏ธ Mostly Sunny, 87ยฐF
Topic: fictional
Your main idea
The student is writing an exciting action scene where Steven narrowly escapes Bob by dodging a knife attack in the dark.
Your writing
Bob gasps ;"YOU" he says. Steven backs up says "no-no-no๏ผwe can talk about this." as Bob charges at him. Steven doges the first hit and Bob misses, he strikes again, hit a tree and geting his knife stuck. Using this as a opportunity, Steven runs into the darkess. Nooooooo, get back here Bob shouts ,but it is too late.
Coachโs feedback
What you did great โจ
- You built real suspense! The action moves quickly, and I felt my heart race when Steven dodged the first hit. Writers call this pacing, and you did it naturally.
- You used dialogue to show what the characters are feeling. "No-no-no" and "Nooooooo" tell us they are scared without you having to say it. That is a strong writing move.
Top 3 things to grow ๐ฑ
- Spelling
You wrote: โdogesโ
You spelled "dodges" with only one "g." It needs two: d-o-d-g-e-s. The "dge" sound almost always has a "g" and an "e" together.
Try: โdodgesโ
- Spelling
You wrote: โdarkessโ
You wrote "darkess," but it should be "darkness." Remember the rule: if a word ends in a short vowel plus a consonant (like "dark"), double the consonant before adding a suffix like "-ness."
Try: โdarknessโ
- Punctuation
You wrote: โBob gasps ;"YOU" he says. Steven backs up says "no-no-no๏ผwe can talk about this."โ
Dialogue punctuation can be tricky! When a character speaks, put the period or comma inside the quotation marks, not a semicolon or wrong-style comma. Also, use a comma before "he says," not a period. And every new speaker needs a new sentence.
Try: โBob gasps. "YOU!" he says. Steven backs up and says, "No-no-no, we can talk about this."โ
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up โ using your words and ideas.
Bob gasps. "YOU!" he says. Steven backs up and says, "No-no-no, we can talk about this." As Bob charges at him, Steven dodges the first hit and Bob misses. He strikes again, hits a tree, and gets his knife stuck. Using this as his chance, Steven runs into the darkness. "Nooooooo, get back here!" Bob shouts, but it is too late.
Try this practice ๐ฏ
Fill in the blank with the correct spelling of the word in parentheses. Then read your whole story out loud and check every word that ends in "-ness."
The knight walked through the cold and __________ (darkness / darkess) of the cave.
Show a sample answer
The knight walked through the cold and darkness of the cave.
Now try again in your own words โ๏ธ
Use the coachโs ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
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