🌟 Coach notes
Your coach’s notes for Leo
📅 Saturday, August 15, 2026 · ☁️ Cloudy, 82°F
Topic: fiction
Your main idea
A story about a boy named Joe who is forced to go outside on a cloudy day and actually does get struck by lightning near a tree.
Your writing
On a cloudy day, Joe wanted to play video games instead of going outside. But his mom told him to go outside “I might get struck by lightning ” Joe said. But his mom didn't believe that and made him go outside. When Joe came back, he smelled like burnt wood “Eww,” his mom said, “what happened ”. “I was next to a tree that got struck by lightning,” Joe said.
Coach’s feedback
What you did great ✨
- You used dialogue really well — hearing Joe and his mom talk makes the story feel real and fun to read.
- Your ending is clever! The reader thinks Joe was making an excuse, and then you show he was actually telling the truth. That kind of surprise is a great storytelling trick.
Top 3 things to grow 🌱
- Punctuation
You wrote: “"But his mom told him to go outside "I might get struck by lightning " Joe said."”
When you put words inside quotation marks, the punctuation goes inside the quotes, not outside. Also, the period at the end of a sentence of dialogue goes before the closing quote.
Try: “"But his mom told him to go outside. 'I might get struck by lightning!' Joe said.”
- Sentence structure
You wrote: “"But his mom told him to go outside "I might get struck by lightning " Joe said. But his mom didn't believe that and made him go outside."”
This is a run-on sentence — two ideas jammed together without a break. You can fix it by ending the first idea with a period and starting the next one as its own sentence.
Try: “"But his mom told him to go outside. 'I might get struck by lightning!' Joe said. His mom didn't believe him and made him go outside.”
- Punctuation
You wrote: “"When Joe came back, he smelled like burnt wood "Eww," his mom said, "what happened "."”
Two different speakers' words got mixed into one sentence, and a question mark is missing at the end of "what happened." Each speaker usually gets their own sentence, and questions need a question mark inside the quotes.
Try: “When Joe came back, he smelled like burnt wood. "Eww," his mom said. "What happened?"”
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up — using your words and ideas.
On a cloudy day, Joe wanted to play video games instead of going outside. But his mom told him to go outside. "I might get struck by lightning!" Joe said. His mom didn't believe him and made him go outside anyway. When Joe came back, he smelled like burnt wood. "Eww," his mom said. "What happened?" "I was next to a tree that got struck by lightning," Joe said.
Try this practice 🎯
Fix the punctuation in this sentence so the dialogue is correct. Rewrite it with proper quotation marks, commas, and a question mark.
"Where have you been " his mom asked "and why do you smell like a campfire "
Show a sample answer
"Where have you been?" his mom asked. "And why do you smell like a campfire?"
Now try again in your own words ✍️
Use the coach’s ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
Saved versions appear in your parent’s progress page.