🌟 Coach notes
Your coach’s notes for Leo
📅 Monday, August 3, 2026 · ☁️ Cloudy, 86°F
Topic: Write about a problem you solved recently. What was hard? What did you try? How did it work out?
Your main idea
A character named Bob is reading alone at home when a trap in an alarm drops him down to face a thief.
Your writing
One day Bob was home alone reading a book when he heard something. It was has 50,000$ alarm that had builtin secret, a hole opened under him and lowed him down. He was face to face with the thief, “How!” the thief said. Bob said “(sponser name here) is the best”
Coach’s feedback
What you did great ✨
- You set up a really cool, exciting story with a secret trap and a surprise meeting with a thief — that kind of mystery idea is awesome for a story!
- You used dialogue (the talking words with quotation marks) to bring your characters to life. The thief saying "How!" and Bob answering back shows your readers what happens next.
Top 3 things to grow 🌱
- Clarity
You wrote: “It was has 50,000$ alarm that had builtin secret, a hole opened under him and lowed him down.”
This sentence has a lot going on, and it is hard to follow. It needed a period, and some words are written together that should be two words (like "builtin" and "lowed"). Splitting it into smaller sentences with clearer words will help your reader picture the trap.
Try: “It was a $50,000 alarm with a built-in secret. A hole opened under him and lowered him down.”
- Punctuation
You wrote: “He was face to face with the thief, "How!" the thief said.”
When two characters talk, you need a period (or question mark) before the next person's words. Also, if the thief is saying "How!" then "How!" is the dialogue, and you should tell who said it after.
Try: “He was face to face with the thief. "How!" the thief said.”
- Capitalization
You wrote: “Bob said "(sponser name here) is the best"”
Names of people and the first word of a sentence always start with a capital letter. The word "I" is always capital too. Also, when someone speaks, the first word inside the quotation marks should be capitalized.
Try: “Bob said, "(Sponsor name here) is the best!"”
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up — using your words and ideas.
One day Bob was home alone reading a book when he heard something. It was a $50,000 alarm with a built-in secret. A hole opened under him and lowered him down. He was face to face with the thief. "How!" the thief said. Bob said, "(Sponsor name here) is the best!"
Try this practice 🎯
Take this run-on sentence and break it into two shorter sentences. Don't change the meaning.
Rewrite this so it is easier to read: "Bob opened the door and saw the thief and the thief ran away and Bob chased him."
Show a sample answer
Bob opened the door and saw the thief. The thief ran away, and Bob chased him.
Now try again in your own words ✍️
Use the coach’s ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
Saved versions appear in your parent’s progress page.