🌟 Coach notes
Your coach’s notes for Leo
📅 Sunday, August 9, 2026 · ☁️ Cloudy, 90°F
Topic: Write about a friend who is kind to you. What do they do that makes them a good friend?
Your main idea
The student started a story about a kid named Bob whose brother almost sank a miniature ship in a fish tank, and their mom had to scoop it out.
Your writing
On a beautiful day, a kid named Bob a sleepping. But then, he heared someone called out "the ships sinking!" Bob looked up See his brother, Joe next to the Miniature ship in the fish tank. Bob jumped up to grab the ship but it was at the bottom of fish tank "Thats the fith time this week" mom said as she was too Scoop up the ship.
Coach’s feedback
What you did great ✨
- You started a real story with a setting ("On a beautiful day") and a problem (the ship sinking) — that's how good stories begin!
- You gave your characters names (Bob, Joe, Mom) and a fun detail (the Miniature ship in the fish tank) that helps me picture the scene.
Top 3 things to grow 🌱
- Sentence structure
You wrote: “On a beautiful day, a kid named Bob a sleepping.”
This sentence is missing a verb — "a sleepping" isn't a word. Try saying what Bob was doing.
Try: “On a beautiful day, a kid named Bob was sleeping.”
- Clarity
You wrote: “See his brother, Joe next to the Miniature ship in the fish tank.”
Right now the story jumps quickly. Tell us a little more about what Bob saw so we can picture it.
Try: “Bob looked up and saw his brother, Joe, standing next to the miniature ship in the fish tank.”
- Punctuation
You wrote: “Bob jumped up to grab the ship but it was at the bottom of fish tank "Thats the fith time this week" mom said as she was too Scoop up the ship.”
This part is one long run-on sentence. Break it into smaller pieces, add a period before the quote, and check your capital letters.
Try: “Bob jumped up to grab the ship, but it was at the bottom of the fish tank. "That's the fifth time this week," Mom said as she scooped up the ship.”
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up — using your words and ideas.
On a beautiful day, a kid named Bob was sleeping. But then, he heard someone call out, "The ship is sinking!" Bob looked up and saw his brother, Joe, next to the miniature ship in the fish tank. Bob jumped up to grab the ship, but it was at the bottom of the fish tank. "That's the fifth time this week," Mom said as she scooped up the ship.
Try this practice 🎯
Add a missing verb to fix this sentence. Remember, every sentence needs an action word.
Complete this sentence with a verb: "On a sunny day, my friend Sam _____ to the park." Try: was walking, rode his bike, or ran.
Show a sample answer
On a sunny day, my friend Sam was walking to the park.
Now try again in your own words ✍️
Use the coach’s ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
Saved versions appear in your parent’s progress page.