🌟 Coach notes
Your coach’s notes for Leo
📅 Saturday, July 18, 2026 · ☁️ Cloudy, 84°F
Topic: fantasy
Your main idea
A survivor on a strange island goes looking for their group after running out of food, finds them hurt, and notices one person is missing.
Your writing
You been out at an unknown island for ten days, you ate all the food that you had, and the only other survivors are out on a hunt for more food. Now you decided to look for them, but you find them injured and unconscious. You take one person's weapon and get in fighting position. You look around, clues tell you the enemy is gone. You were about to wake them up when you noticed that one person was missing...
Coach’s feedback
What you did great ✨
- You set up a really cool, suspenseful scene! The mystery of the missing person makes the reader want to know what happens next.
- You used great action details like "take one person's weapon and get in fighting position." It feels like we're right there in the story with you.
Top 3 things to grow 🌱
- Sentence structure
You wrote: “You been out at an unknown island for ten days, you ate all the food that you had, and the only other survivors are out on a hunt for more food.”
This is a run-on sentence. It has too many ideas joined together with commas. A reader needs to take a breath! Try breaking it into smaller sentences or joining ideas with a connector like "because" or "but."
Try: “You have been out at an unknown island for ten days. You ate all the food that you had, so the only other survivors went out on a hunt for more food.”
- Clarity
You wrote: “You take one person's weapon and get in fighting position.”
It's a little unclear what's happening here. Who are you getting ready to fight? Adding a small clue about who or what you're expecting will help the reader picture the scene better.
Try: “You take one person's weapon and get into a fighting position, ready for whatever hurt your friends.”
- Punctuation
You wrote: “You look around, clues tell you the enemy is gone.”
These are two complete sentences, but they are joined with only a comma. A comma splice like this can confuse readers. A period or a connector like "and" or "so" will fix it.
Try: “You look around. Clues tell you the enemy is gone.”
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up — using your words and ideas.
You have been out at an unknown island for ten days. You ate all the food that you had, so the only other survivors went out on a hunt for more food. Now you decided to look for them, but you find them injured and unconscious. You take one person's weapon and get into a fighting position, ready for whatever hurt your friends. You look around. Clues tell you the enemy is gone. You were about to wake them up when you noticed that one person was missing.
Try this practice 🎯
Take this run-on sentence and break it into two shorter sentences. Remember to use a period between them.
I found a shiny blue rock on the beach I picked it up and put it in my pocket.
Show a sample answer
I found a shiny blue rock on the beach. I picked it up and put it in my pocket.
Now try again in your own words ✍️
Use the coach’s ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
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