🌟 Coach notes
Your coach’s notes for Leo
📅 Saturday, July 18, 2026 · ☁️ Cloudy, 84°F
Topic: fictional
Your main idea
A narrator is stranded on an unknown island and discovers their surviving friends hurt and unconscious, leaving a mystery about who attacked them and where the smartest survivor went.
Your writing
You have been out at an unknown island for ten days. You ate all the food that you had, so the only other survivors went out on a hunt for more food. Now you decided to look for them, but you find them injured and unconscious. You take one person's weapon and get into a fighting position, ready for whatever or whoever hurt your friends. You look around and clues tell you the enemy is gone. You were about to wake them up when you noticed that one person was missing. Your mind spins quickly, the person missing was the smartest, so there are two possibilitys. One, he found how to leave the island so he knocked everyone unconscious and left. Two, he got kidnapped by another person on this island who either doesn't want us to escape or they want to escape themselves.
Coach’s feedback
What you did great ✨
- I love how you set up the story by dropping the reader right into the action — starting with "You have been out at an unknown island for ten days" makes it feel like we're already living it.
- You created real suspense with the two possibilities at the end. Giving the reader choices to wonder about makes a story exciting and makes them want to keep reading.
Top 3 things to grow 🌱
- Punctuation
You wrote: “You have been out at an unknown island for ten days.”
This is one long run-on opening that tries to set up the whole story at once. A short hook sentence will grab your reader's attention much faster and feel more exciting.
Try: “You have been stuck on an unknown island for ten days. The food is gone. Your friends went to hunt — and never came back.”
- Clarity
You wrote: “Now you decided to look for them, but you find them injured and unconscious.”
The word "but" makes it sound like looking for them was a problem. Also, switching between past ("decided") and present ("find") is confusing. Pick one tense and stick with it.
Try: “You decided to look for them. You found them injured and unconscious on the sand.”
- Spelling
You wrote: “possibilitys”
When a word ends in a "y" and has a consonant before it, change the "y" to "i" and add "es" to make it plural.
Try: “possibilities”
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up — using your words and ideas.
You have been stuck on an unknown island for ten days. The food is gone, so the only other survivors went out on a hunt. You decided to look for them, and you found them injured and unconscious. You took one person's weapon and got into a fighting position, ready for whoever hurt your friends. You looked around, and the clues told you the enemy was gone. You were about to wake them up when you noticed one person was missing. Your mind spun quickly. The missing person was the smartest, so there were two possibilities. One, he found how to leave the island, so he knocked everyone out and left. Two, he got kidnapped by another person who does not want you to escape.
Try this practice 🎯
Finish this sentence using past tense the same way the story does. Pick a strong verb.
You looked around the island and ____ (past tense verb) ____ (what did you notice?).
Show a sample answer
You looked around the island and noticed three broken branches pointing toward the jungle.
Now try again in your own words ✍️
Use the coach’s ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
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