π Coach notes
Your coachβs notes for Leo
π Tuesday, July 21, 2026 Β· π€οΈ Mostly Sunny, 87Β°F
Topic: fictional
Your main idea
Two characters, Jo and Bob, run into each other unexpectedly and decide to become friends again after Jo says she doesn't really blame Bob for something, ending with Bob asking to friend Jo in Roblox.
Your writing
Jo jerked at the sight of Bob;what? you're here too? they both said at the same time. "I'm leaving." said Jo. "no wait" said Bob, "I know you hate me after It ,but i been meaning to ask you, can i friend you in roblox?"."wait, you play it too?"asked Jo. "yes, absolutely!"said Bob. "You knowοΌi don't really blame you for It,so.let's be friends again." "great idea."said Bob
Coachβs feedback
What you did great β¨
- You wrote a real story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. The reader knows what happens from start to finish.
- You used dialogue really well. Hearing the characters talk makes the story feel like a real scene, like we are watching it happen.
Top 3 things to grow π±
- Punctuation
You wrote: βJo jerked at the sight of Bob;what? you're here too?β
When two sentences bump into each other, we use a period or a question mark, not a semicolon. A question mark also goes before a quotation mark in some styles, but the words "what?" need to be its own sentence here so the reader can breathe.
Try: βJo jerked at the sight of Bob. "What? You're here too?" they both said at the same time.β
- Capitalization
You wrote: β"no wait" said Bob, "I know you hate me after It ,but i been meaning to ask you, can i friend you in roblox?"."wait, you play it too?"asked Jo. "yes, absolutely!"said Bob.β
Capital letters start sentences and the word "I." The names of games like Roblox are capitalized too. Each new speaker also gets a capital letter to start their words.
Try: β"No wait," said Bob. "I know you hate me after it, but I've been meaning to ask you, can I friend you in Roblox?" "Wait, you play it too?" asked Jo. "Yes, absolutely!" said Bob.β
- Clarity
You wrote: β"I'm leaving." said Jo.β
This is a great opening line, but the reader doesn't know yet why Jo and Bob aren't talking. A tiny clue about what happened between them would help us understand why Jo wants to leave and why Bob wants to make up.
Try: βJo stepped back. "I'm leaving," she said. Bob could tell she was still upset about the fight.β
Same ideas, just cleaner
Your coach cleaned it up β using your words and ideas.
Jo jerked at the sight of Bob. "What? You're here too?" they both said at the same time. "I'm leaving," said Jo. "No wait," said Bob. "I know you hate me after it, but I've been meaning to ask you, can I friend you in Roblox?" "Wait, you play it too?" asked Jo. "Yes, absolutely!" said Bob. "You know, I don't really blame you for it, so let's be friends again." "Great idea," said Bob.
Try this practice π―
Add one short sentence before "I'm leaving" that hints at why Jo is upset. This will give the reader a clue about what happened between Jo and Bob.
Can you write 1 sentence (10 words or fewer) that tells the reader WHY Jo wants to leave when she sees Bob? For example: "They had a big fight yesterday, and Jo was still hurt."
Show a sample answer
Jo was still upset about the silly fight they had last week.
Now try again in your own words βοΈ
Use the coachβs ideas, but write it like YOU would. This is the most important part!
Saved versions appear in your parentβs progress page.