Your coach’s notes for Leo

What you did great ✨

• 👍You came up with a really cool twist ending — that Bob was inside a video game the whole time. Readers love being surprised!
• 👍You used dialogue with quotation marks to show what Bob was saying. That helps readers hear his voice in the story.

Top 3 things to grow 🌱

• Punctuation

  You wrote: “"Help!" Bob screamed "Aliens are invading Earth".”

  When you write dialogue, the words spoken go inside quotation marks, and the comma or period goes inside the quotes, too. You also need a new paragraph or a tag like "Bob screamed," between the two things he said.

  Try: “"Help!" Bob screamed. "Aliens are invading Earth!"”

• Sentence structure

  You wrote: “Bob jumped up and down until he exited the video game, the sky wasn't purple at all, it was just in‑game.”

  This sentence is trying to say two big things at once, and a comma cannot hold them together. It should be split into two sentences, and a new word like "was" is needed to fix the ending.

  Try: “Bob jumped up and down until he exited the video game. The sky wasn't purple at all — it was just in-game.”

• Clarity

  You wrote: “Bob was freaking out because the sky was purple.”

  This is a good start, but it doesn't tell readers where Bob is or what he's doing when he sees the sky. A few small details would help readers picture the scene.

  Try: “On a purple day, Bob was freaking out because the sky outside his window had turned purple.”